Quark

"Really. A 'phone' system. That's adorable.

"You've reached Quark, owner and proprieter of Quark's! If this is a complaint about the holosuites, please hang up and call someone else. If you'd like to place an order for self-sealing stem bolts, I can get them for you wholesale. If it's some other matter, please leave a message and specify the nature of the compensation you'll be making for my listening time."

*Beep*